At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just threw up on my dentist
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
