if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've blown a few things in my day
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
