Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
