We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
