I wish I only lived at night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
