dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
