He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
