did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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