Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
