i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
