im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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