I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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