Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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