I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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