There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
