I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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