I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
