My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
