Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
