I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
