The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
