Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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