smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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