Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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