my mouth tastes like poor choices
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
