when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
