Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
