DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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