Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
