I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
