I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
