How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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