Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
