Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
