its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
