I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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