I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
