Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
