Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
