Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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