well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
