Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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