she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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