Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
