Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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