God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
