Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
