Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
