You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
