dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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