We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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